Does that make me gay?

Taco truck connections

I went to a taco truck recently, and when I made it up to the front to put in my order, I saw that the cashier might have been transgender.

I looked at him or her or them (henceforth known as “them”) and then looked away. I immediately noticed my discomfort as I ordered and paid. I felt some tension in my chest and avoided looking them in the eyes.

I tipped a couple bucks and finished checking out. They said something that included the numbers 5 and 10. I thought they were fucking with me and saying I should tip $5-$10 (which was as much as my whole order) and laughed. Then I realized they meant the food would be out in 5-10 minutes. We both died laughing.

I looked them in the eyes for a moment and said "Thank you."

As I sat down, moved by this brief experience, I saw clearly that my discomfort was my own shit. Past conditioning and ignorance, I remembered that the human in front of me had hopes, dreams, doubts and fears, just like me.

I thought about checking out their butt. But I didn’t, because I worried that it would make me gay.

I recently wrote about the core belief I hold regarding judgments and what to do with them. But one thing I want to stress more is that our judgments of others corrode our own minds and internal experience, impacting us negatively in subtle ways. Working to become aware and let go of them is more for ourselves than anyone else.

Just like being generous shouldn't be about being more moral, noticing and releasing judgments isn’t about being a better person. Give for the sheer joy of it. Let go of judgments because it gives you more freedom, connection and inner peace.

In the end, I checked out their butt. Let the record show that not a drop of blood rushed to the tip of my penis. 🙃