I talked to a mega church pastor...
My biggest fear in life, the meat of life, Web3, and mimetic desire
Hey,
A couple housekeeping items first:
I released a new podcast with Charlie Hoehn, author of Play it Away and Play for a Living. He's also done 4 TED talks including The Power of Play. I was more excited to do this interview than any in a long time. Enjoy!
Adee and I are doing an 8 week live course on Living with Intention that starts on Wednesday.
Most of us react to things only when they break. We also tend to have a part of parts of our life that we tuck away in the closet.
This course is about shining the light of awareness on every area of your life and deciding how you'd like it to be.
As my friend Justin Su'a says, we are practicing living "on purpose with purpose."
Now, on to the Exhale...
Fear of being ordinary
I was having a conversation a few weeks ago with a friend named Brandon Hawk. He surprised me saying, "I'm feeling very ordinary in my life right now."
It was surprising because Brandon is a former professional tennis player, was a pastor at a mega church at one point, a world class executive coach, and all around rockstar of a human. I would have expected him to feel anything but ordinary.
I felt like he was telling me about myself, because that's exactly how I was feeling. How I AM feeling.
It's been almost 10 years since I was on a team that won the Crossfit Games and felt somewhat "relevant" in that industry. I've been off of social media for years so I don't get any of the "likes" and "follows" I used to get.
Since I've had my son I've been home more, have traveled less, and my life is a little simpler.
Sometimes I feel ordinary and unremarkable.
Sometimes I tell myself that I'm not doing enough. That I'm not enough.
For years now, when asked the question, "What is your biggest fear?" my answer has been "Never amounting to anything." Another way of saying that is I've been afraid of being ordinary. So this chapter I'm in has been confronting.
Then Brandon shared something that stuck with me. He said that he is consciously putting his role as dad first in his life. He said that he is "leaning into mundanity and his own ordinariness.” He said, "I actually feel that my next level of growth is in this ordinariness."
Connection of mundane with the sacred
How could this lead to his next level of growth?
The things that matter most in life can be mundane at times. Dinner with the family every night. A conversation with the partner we see every day. A walk down our street.
What we crave most is not to stand out but to belong to.
Not to be significant to the masses but significant to those we love most - and that can look ordinary.
Letting go of the need for constant novelty and the need to be extra-ordinary can give us permission to embrace the most meaningful parts of life.
The more I surrender to this new chapter of life the more connected I am to the meat of life. Or the Beyond Meat of life for the vegans. When I care less about others admiring me or thinking I am "doing enough" I soak up my time with my son.
Simplicity strips away everything that is unnecessary. All that remains is what is sacred to us.
The added responsibility of having a child and the desire to be present with him keeps leading me to strip away more and more of what is unnecessary.
To simplify the rest of my life.
These thoughts of wanting to be more, achieve more, do more are almost universal and may never go away.
My intention is to be more aware of those thoughts. It's to ensure that I'm not letting my desire to be admired or significant drive my behavior. I know neither will bring me true happiness.
Things I've found recently and want to share
Hunt, Gather, Parent audiobook. One of my favorite parenting books so far. It was the single most relieving piece of content I've consumed about parenting. Period.
I listened to this recent Tim Ferris podcast with Naval Ravikant and Chris Dixon. Best thing I've listened to or read on crypto. It's about the philosophy of crypto and Web3 and why it's so revolutionary.
This article on turning curiosity into passion by Steven Kotler.
This twitter thread on mimetic desire - why we want the things we want. It’s fascinating and important to understand about ourselves.
Peace,
Michael