The Queen of Boredom

He sat on the toilet, visited once again by the diarrhea fairy, feeling profoundly annoyed at having forgotten his phone on the restaurant table. 

"Hello, Love," he heard. He jumped, looking around for the source of the sound. A great hooded figure stood before him, wearing white. 

He shook his head. I'm hallucinating, he assured himself.

When she didn't move, he said, "Wh—what the hell!? Who are you? What are you doing in here?"

"It is I, the Queen of Boredom," she replied, showing a brilliant set of teeth to match her robe. "And I'm here to invite you back to me.”

He sat there motionless, holding his breath.

"I see how you evade me when you stand in line, sit in waiting rooms or on toilets or in your car, and even when you play with your children. With envy, I watch as you compulsively lust after your technological mistresses. It's as if you fear being alone with me for a single moment."

Seeing the dumbfounded look on his face she continued, "I know what you must think. 'What do you have to offer me? Who desires Boredom?' I have long since treated you like a neglected child, who when finally thrown a morsel of attention by his parent finds him hurt and thus pretending to be uninterested. 

“When you only visit me begrudgingly, I make myself something to begrudge. You will not recognize my caress, for I will be nothing but a language half forgotten, and you will yearn for your phone, and your computer and your television once again.

“But if you should love me, I will fill your every moment with gifts. I will brighten the colors around you and show you the subtle beauty of the world you've been missing. You will find that the better you know me, the more interesting and exciting everything around you becomes.

“For your imagination rests in me. In me the miracles of Awe, Wonder and Gratitude spring forth. Play with me and I will surprise you endlessly with creative inspiration. I will delight you with humorous musings birthed by the intercourse between your own mind and that of the collective unconscious. 

“Above all, Peace will step through my doors to visit you more often.

“If you should be so courageous to leave your phone in your car from time to time, to walk alone with me in silence, to wait in line with only your own thoughts, I shall become a great muse to you. I will be here when you are ready."

And with that she removed her white cloak to reveal garments of the most vivid, stunning colors and patterns. It was too much for his eyes to take in. He turned away. When he looked back, she had gone.

He sat pondering for a few moments, wiped, then returned to his table. When he sat down, he was surprised that he had missed the magnificence of the mountains above him.

He woke abruptly.

Whoa, that was weird, he thought as he reached for his phone, eager to catch up on all that he'd missed.

---

Inspired by an email Annie Lalla sent me by Steven Kotler about mastering dopamine which included doing "boring" things during breaks from work as well as "inhabiting the in-between" moments in life. I responded that it was the best thing I'd read in a while, to which she said, "I'm inspired to master boredom."