Hey friend,
I just released a podcast episode with my buddy Chris Williamson. Chris has the #1 podcast in the UK, Modern Wisdom, and is one of my favorite people to talk to. We talk about mastery, the fucked up world of modern dating, how to find your soulmate, and more.
I have two Soul Searching Adventures coming up in the next few months:
4 days at Hidden Lakes Ranch in Texas
7 days in Escalante, UT hiking, climbing, and rappelling
You can learn more and apply here if interested.
On a recent Soul Searching Adventure interview, I asked the guy why he wanted to go on the trip.Â
He said, "From the outside looking in my life is great. Successful career, beautiful wife and kids, etc. I don't know why I'm NOT happier. I did all the things I was told I was supposed to do and I did them well. Now what?"
From my perception, he wanted to feel ALIVE.
I grew up feeling and thinking the same things.Â
If I did well in school I could get into a good college. If I got good grades in college I would get a good job. Then I'd find a wife. Then make some offspring.Â
I assumed all those things would keep me and lead to me being happy. Because that's what everyone else was doing.
I felt entitled to happiness and opportunity by simply checking the boxes I thought I should check.
The natural state of humans is to go with the flow. To follow the steps that our parents took. The steps that so many people around us are taking. The path of least resistance.
Unless we make those decisions intentionally after weighing all of the other options, this can lead to what Pink Floyd calls becoming "comfortably numb."
The path of least resistance is fine for survival, but not for thriving.
Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out."
Sitting on the sidelines watching others play the game.
Watching others take a chance and start a new business.Â
Watching someone else take a sabbatical to travel.Â
Watching someone else start learning a new instrument or language.Â
Watching someone else go on a spiritual quest.
The sidelines aren't that bad. They are safe and often dependable. It's cozy and comfortable, and most of the people you know are there.
The game is different. Sure you get to feel alive, excited, and fulfilled, but it's scary as shit. In fact it can be the scariest thing in your life to be living at your edge. It can be lonely at times, and you could "fail." It can be confusing and can take so much effort.
The worst is... you could look bad.
Like me the time I had a panic attack in front of 50 high paying seminar attendees in 2014.
The time I was doing a FB live, got so nervous I closed FB immediately and blamed it on a poor connection. LMAO.
When I spent dozens of hours putting together a new fitness program only for it to flop.Â
Or the time I first sang in front of a group of my friends and basically whispered I was so nervous.
I've won every bit of skill and confidence I have in life by wading through the waters of self-doubt, insecurity and fear.
I used to think that people "in the game" didn't have fear or insecurity. That they were born that way. Now I know that's bullshit.Â
People in the game build a habit of living with those feelings and acting anyway.
When I wrote my first song and put it on YouTube a couple months ago, I still felt scared.
As I put all this work into building Soul Searching Adventures, I'm afraid no one will be interested.
When I invited a bunch of guys to start a men's group, I feared rejection.
It's a part of the game. The fear is intimately tied to what we love about the game.
"Fear and excitement are two sides of the same coin." -No ideaÂ
I've found that asking myself questions like this can help:
What things would I do even if I knew they wouldn't be "successful" in a year?
What frightens and excites me simultaneously?
I've always dreamt of...
If I weren't afraid of failure or looking bad I would...
What I'm most curious about right now is...
This helps me create a list of things that excite the hell out of me. I never HAVE to do them, but I like to be aware of them. Some things on my list:
Spend a month alone in the mountains
Do a through hike like the Appalachian trail w/ Adee and my kids
Build a house
Ride a bull
Play a music gig solo or with a band
Do a Soul Searching Adventure that includes heli skiing
Write a fiction book about a boy finding healing through nature
Lastly, happiness has nothing to do with achievement or recognition. It's about doing things that excite us and bring meaning to our life. Things that make us feel alive. If we "win" or make a lot of money doing those things that's just a bonus.
I love this beautiful quote from The Way of Kings: "And so, does the destination matter? Or is it the path we take? I declare that no accomplishment has substance nearly as great as the road used to achieve it. We are not creatures of destinations. It is the journey that shapes us. Our callused feet, our backs strong from carrying the weight of our travels, our eyes open with the fresh delight of experiences lived. “ ‘In the end, I must proclaim that no good can be achieved of false means. For the substance of our existence is not in the achievement, but in the method."
If you feel numb or uninspired in your life, don't wait another day to get in the game.Â
Even if it's just a single play because as they say in the Landmark Forum, "You're life is at stake."
A couple last things I want to share with you:
How often have I focused on "making an impact" in some external way while neglecting my own physical or mental health or neglecting my relationship with my family and closest friends?
Also fatherhood kicks more and more ass every day…
Wishing you and your loved ones a terrific holiday season.Â
Peace,
Michael